Happy Mother's Day!

I became a mother in 2016. It was so amazing to experience all of the things I'd always heard about... sensitivity to smells and textures, a rapid heart rate, and complete changes to the body. Most of all, after years of looking at other people's sonograms, the one I then saw was mine! At that time, circumstances weren't the best for carrying a baby - I learned during the pregnancy I had Rh factor and recently had open heart surgery. There was also a lot of stress in my marriage and, sadly, I miscarried. When I began to heal, I asked the Lord to show me who this baby was... He said his name is Christopher. At that moment the Lord reminded me of a recent dream... I was in the hospital giving birth and all of the medical staff kept telling me they saw a heavenly glow through the umbilical cord to the baby on the ultrasound. They said, "This baby will bring much glory to God" and I was told to give him that name. When I looked up the meaning of Christopher it meant "carrier of Christ." After praying some more, I chose his middle name - Brighton. It means "the one who is loved"... and loved he is! Going through the grieving process, God began to reveal more to me through my time with Him. He also sent others across my path who had experienced similar things and brought confirmation to what I was shown... Unborn children go immediately into the presence of God. They are raised the same but by Jesus, angels, and those people in heaven who were given the gift to love and minister to children. I occasionally see Brighton in dreams, visions, or in the presence of children around me who would be the same age. It is sweet and sorrowful. I know he will bring much glory to God and I am honored that I was chosen to be his mother!

And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart… Luke 2:51

Safety being Rooted in Trust

The Lord revealed to me this week that I have not felt safe for quite some time. I would say even a life-time. Let me explain... When we don’t feel safe it means we don’t feel secure. When we don’t feel secure we don’t trust. When we don’t trust we don’t really believe that we will fully be cared for in every area of our lives. Considering the world we live in I’m sure most of you will know what I’m talking about? We have created environments that appear to be safe, yet we operate in self-sufficiency and drivenness; forgetting God is our Source. But not trusting Him in every area of our lives will always manifest somehow or someway. For me this was coming forth physically and spiritually. I had unknowingly developed fear of not having my needs met and began to gain weight. I was overworking and not caring for myself as I should. I also began to realize that for quite some time I was hesitant to communicate with God about certain things that were deep longings and dreams; not wanting to be brokenhearted or disappointed. You could say I created some distance from Him in these areas. I can assure you this is not where our Loving Savior wants us to be.

So, I asked Him, what is it that makes it difficult to pray and go boldly before the throne of grace in these areas? What prevents me from trusting You in every area of life? I believe the Lord revealed to me it is when our hearts condemn us (1 John 3:20) and condemnation is deeply rooted in the lack of intimacy we have with Jesus, the Anointed One. It is in intimacy that we know Him – His character, His nature, and His ways. Intimately knowing Him brings us into a deeper and deeper union with Him; allowing us to trust Him at greater levels in every area of our lives. Some of us may not be familiar with fully trusting because of personal experience with trauma, neglect, or abuse. These develop wounds that set up residence in our heart, condemning us, and have fortified a barrier to distance us from God, ourselves, and others. This is where knowing God intimately will heal the pain of these wounds and allow us to feel safe and secure in every area of our lives. The beautiful thing is, even when we don’t seek Him in the capacity that we could, He always looks at our intentions. It is the pure intentions of our heart that God sees. As imperfect as we are, He looks on us with compassion, love, kindness, and mercy. When we can see this, I believe there will be a new revelation of Him in our lives. Through a life devoted to Him, and heart that continues to be intimate with Him, there will be a trust that is unshakable. This kind of trust brings pleasure to God and He can then flourish in and through us with true love toward Him, ourselves, and one another. I am praying for us as we enter into this new level of intimacy, healing, and trust. Amen.

Whenever our hearts make us feel guilty and remind us of our failures, we know that God is much greater and more merciful than our conscience, and he knows everything there is to know about us. My delightfully loved friends, when our hearts don’t condemn us, we have a bold freedom to speak face-to-face with God. And whatever we ask of him we receive, because we keep his commands. And by our beautiful intentions we continue to do what brings pleasure to him. So these are his commands: that we continually place our trust in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and that we keep loving one another, just as he has commanded us. For all who obey his commands find their lives joined in union with him, and he lives and flourishes in them. We know and have proof that he constantly lives and flourishes in us, by the Spirit that he has given us... 1 John 3:20-24 TPT

Brokenness

I’ve just finished reading an excellent book on “brokenness” and the lifetime of events God will bring us to and through to get us to the point of brokenness. Through it, He delivers us from our selfish ways and shatters the delusions we have about ourselves. During this process, He supernaturally allows us to see how He sees us AND allows us to see ourselves as we truly are. Many of us resist this and are confused (even angry) about the trials and tribulations we face in life. But I tell you, if we can get to the point that we look for what God is doing in every situation and find His very presence in these moments we will begin to experience a new sense of trust and peace in the Lord that transcends time and space. It will literally bring us into eternity. 

Today I was mediating more on brokenness and the Holy Spirit took me to Isaiah 66:1-2. The ultimate reason for this brokenness is so God Almighty might have His place of rest in us and can be glorified through us. We must not resist what He is doing to bring about a humble and contrite spirit!

He is looking for you and me!

Thus says the Lord:

‘Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool;

what is the house that you would build for me,

and what is the place of my rest?

All these things my hand has made,

and so all these things came to be,’ declares the Lord.

‘But this is the one to whom I will look:

he who is humble and contrite in spirit

and trembles at my word’... Isaiah 66:1-2

Difficult is the Road and Narrow is the Gate

Today the Lord is speaking to me about the way that leads to the narrow gate. He says, it is a "difficult" way (I am envisioning a road with many obstacles) and only a FEW will find it (Matthew 7:14)! We must know what difficult means to understand the reality of it; especially when we all see through a scope of our own personal experience. The dictionary defines difficult as, "needing much effort or skill to accomplish, deal with, or understand." Also, it is "characterized by or causing hardships or problems." So, why are we surprised when we face difficulties? Why do we look at it as dread (speaking to myself)? Instead, could this be the time when God is leading us down the difficult road toward the narrow gate? Now, we have the opportunity to see what is difficult as a time to seek the Lord; asking Him to help us accomplish and understand what is in front of us by the power of His Holy Spirit. And, although difficulties may look in the natural as hardships or problems, we now have our eyes fixed on the narrow gate! 

One step further, Jesus is the Gate!!! Jesus says, "Yes, I am the gate. Those who come in through me will be saved. They come and go freely and will find good pasture" (John 10:9). So what is good pasture?? "In a good pasture I will feed them; the mountain heights of Israel will be their pasture. There they will lie down in lush pasture, and they will feed on rich grass on the mountains of Israel. I myself will feed my sheep and I myself will make them lie down, declares the sovereign LORD."

We must press through what is difficult to find the Narrow Gate which leads to good pasture... where every need is met by our loving and generous Shepherd, Jesus Christ.

Narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few that find it... Matthew 7:14

Great is His Faithfulness

It has been quite sometime since my last blog. Like many of you, I continue to walk out the daily surrender and trust in our Great and Glorious God. A lot has happened in the last 24 months. A lot of joy and much sorrow. The LORD has taken me on an even deeper, more intimate journey with Him through a marriage, miscarriage, open heart surgery, and a divorce. My blogs will have a different flavor because of this. I have also recently decided to go public about my battle with Lyme Disease and environmental illness that began in 2011 (when this deep inner work began). By God's unrelenting grace, mercy, and revelation of the high price Jesus Christ paid for the healing of all sickness and disease - body and soul (Isaiah 53:5). I now know how to be an Overcomer! When a person goes through the valley of the shadow of death there is a level of spiritual warfare, discernment, and peace that can only be found when you are in it. It is a part of dark night of the soul to the division of the soul and spirit (I believe we enter into this many times in life as God transforms us into His image). I have come to a deeper revelation of Psalm 103:1-5. In all the years I have had the privilege of being a Christian, I am continually overwhelmed by His tenderness to care for, provide, and deliver those who seek Him with all of their heart. His perfect, relentless love NEVER fails! I will always remember and reflect on these things as He builds my faith and teaches me His ways deep within my spirit where He transforms my soul.

Bless the LORD, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's... Psalm 103:1-5

Overcoming

In a court of law there is a legal case between two opposing parties. A dispute between a defendant and an accuser - civil or criminal. Occasionally, there is opportunity for a settlement or plea bargain. In either case, there is a thorough investigation and evaluation of evidence to prove what is truth with “respect to claims of guilt, innocence, liability, or lack of fault.” The last 2 weeks I have been diving into the many aspects of the sacred blood of Jesus Christ. In particular, as it is used in spiritual warfare as a weapon against the Accuser. I appreciate the visual of a court of law standing as a defendant against my Accuser. I see the person of Jesus Christ as my representative in supreme authority as the plea of His blood is released in power; declaring the Accuser defeated. To plead the blood of Jesus Christ is to proclaim the legal right given to every believer proving innocence. The blood of Jesus Christ defends, protects, and is a literal voice that speaks “mercy” (Hebrews 12:24). I have been so encouraged to take up this holy weapon as I continue to overcome and encourage you the same! May you always know the authority of the name of Jesus Christ and the power of His blood.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death… Revelation 12:11

Freedom

Freedom! Today I have been seeking the Lord on getting to the root of doubt and unbelief in my life. I want this stronghold gone - for good! I truly believe it is perhaps the greatest stronghold the enemy uses to deceive us into believing the lie that God is withholding from us! Doubt and unbelief actually cause a person to be held captive! The dictionary describes being held captive as, “held under control of another but having the appearance of independence; especially: owned or controlled by another...” Wow! How many things can potentially hold someone prisoner?! Toxic thoughts, ungodly emotions, physical issues, etc... Wherever we are being held captive by the enemy, remember, the Lord wants to release His wonderful work of grace and mercy in our lives to free us. It is the very reason Jesus Christ came (Luke 4:18).

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity... Jeremiah 29:11-14